Friday, November 20, 2009

when 2 stay at home moms get bored

My good friend, michelle sent me a text message of
"I'm Bored. Entertain me"
So i started a story

Trin- "Once upon a time there was..."

Michelle - "A frog that was once a

Trin- Troll who had angered the laughing witch by

Michelle- Making her want to have

His giant

Pretty peen in her.

He put it in her virgin hand and she

Stroked his lenght as a bead

Of sweat fell from his forehead. He then

Leaned into kiss her on the

Teet. She then slapped his

Face as he gave her the best

Squirt of jizz in her

Eye as she tried to

Duck. Thus upsetting her. She turned him into

A frog with a gaint pretty peen.

That wouldn't let him

Hop away so he had to service her by

means of his long tounge and peen that no longer could

Go down. As he pushed into her, she

Laughed because he wouldn't orgasm and jizz unless

She grabbed his smooth

Peen and let a princess

Ride his tounge until she

Creamed on his face but alas the witch

Would not find a princess because she didn't want

To share her prized sex slave then one day

As the witch was in the middle of

Getting her 4th daily pleasure. She heard

A girl yell that she needed a

A teacher to learn how to

Ride a peen bareback.

The witch was so impressed by the princess's

Blow job skills. As she watched her

Service the local ogre. The witch watched the princess's tits bounce as

She slid her toungue along the orge's dick and sac. Spit was

Hanging from her mouth then the ogre

Grunted as he creamed all over her mouth as the princess

Swallowed all she could. Some of the jizz

dripped down her chin. As the witch leaned in she licked the salty cream from
And thus ended todays part of the story, just wanted to share lol, yeah it was suppose to be something cute and funny, but sigh, tells you where our minds were

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Potty Training Adventure of a Proud Mother

So pearlann had 3 days of not going on the toilet PERIOD. Then, the house went back to normal, where it was only mommy again. daddy is away, Gma at work. Back to the grind. She went monday morning like nothing ever happened over the weekend. Fine by me. Tuesday just another day, goes wonderfully to go pee. Suddenly, while onyx napped, Pam was quiet with her doll house.... then i hear a Grunt... " Pearlann need to go poop on the potty?" "N-ooooo....ugh" I walk out the room, to see a sweaty and redfaced daughter. I tell her to go sit on the potty. she obliges me. She is constipated... pretty good. she had 3 tiny poops in her pants, not enough to really count.

I sit her up on the toilet, set her up with a TV tray and carry in her doll house, and bring her a cup of "koolaid". This is also known as mommy mixed your drink with Magnesium Citrate, a mild laxitive. I wait. I expect at LEAST 30 mins. I walk out to smoke a cigarette. I hear "MOMMY!! PEARLANN DID IT!!!!" from the front porch. I assume ok a tiny poop again. I come in and say great job, keep going. Walk back out to take another drag, and come back in. She says she's all done. I sigh, thinking great she is gonna finish in her pants, be cause she is impatient like her mother (not that i poop my pants lol). I take her off....

Now of COURSE i'm going to LOOK! What would anyone do.

I looked and flipped out! I was jumping and giving her hugs! I mean this was a SINGLE turd her DADDY would be proud of! Daddy size! I didnt know what else to do....

So I took a picture on my cell. I didnt just leave it at that... i then sent said picture to friends and family. Now this wasnt the cute oh my Daughter sitting on the toilet picture nooooooooo..... This was the inside the toilet.

The response to this picture varied from the nice friends sending a text back saying "good Job Pam!", to my husband saying "I really didnt need to see that.", to the phone calls of my mother "did you REALLY just send me a picture of your daughters poop??????"

Yes, I am a PROUD mother.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Potty Training Dilema

Pam for the past 3 days, has quit going potty in the toilet. She was doing soooo good. She pad even went "poopy" in the toilet last week. I'm so confused. She was doing great, was basically done. Now, she QUIT. She is using the potty pants like a Diaper. I cant have that. What do i do? sigh, so today i decided to try big girl underwear. We will see how that works. sigh, anyone have any advice?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Sleepless in Tampa

So as I have trouble sleeping, I'm playing on mini (my netbook) and watching the dvr of the Mentalist, I hear a noise. My daughter is talking in her sleep.  "Yay, i did it." Now this is something she says when she goes pee. Followed by, "No, it's all gone." Constant random things over and over. It's cute, yet i wonder is it good for her to have this type of interupted sleep? She takes long naps, and i think this might be why.

ok i need to go, shes suddenly walking in her sleep.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Sweet Crackily Voice

My kids are sick, both of them. But they react differently to being sick. My son, Onyx, is just like his father. He wipes his nose and keeps going, nothing else happens to him. Now Pearlann... She is her mother's Daughter. Just like me, it hits her HARD and for days. Today, is the first day of voice loss. A little 3 year old with a cracking voice. It melts even the coldest of hearts. When she cries and wants a hug, and tries to do the high pitched scream, she can't. it is so adorable.

Oh and i JUST noticed she has a CLEFT CHIN!

little aside to those who read about the Verizon FIASCO. Well, I was on the phone yesterday from 915ish a.m. til 120ish p.m. FINALLY got the online account to work after 6 different people. It was done and over. Free online shipping and they arrived today, all 5. Verizon was nice and waved the 10$ contacts transfer fee. So now i have a new blackberry Curve. I'm not all that impressed. Mainly cuz the Verizon version of the Yahoo instant messager App. is CRAP. Doesn't have the contact groups, or all my 30 smileys only 12. The big kicker for me is that i cant create a personal status update. It also sends me a message twice from who i'm chatting with. But i'll deal.

Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Phone Issues

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

~Joe Bob Briggs

We had Alltel. Which as many of you know is now owned by Verizon. Well, we have five lines on our contract; my husband, me, my mom, my 16 yr old sister, and my step-father. My sister and step father's phones are not working properly. They need new ones, and one was coming to an upgrade come January. Now, I had heard rumors that if you upgraded you ahd to do all at once or something along those lines, so I called.

Ever try making an important phone call with two sick kids? Word of advice, wait til nap time... If your kids take naps. I am lucky enough to get a nice patient lady. I asked her my questions and am told along the lines that:
A. When you renew and join the verizon team from Alltel, that they wont charge you cancellation fees.
B. You HAVE to a buy new phone.... for every single line.

Ok... NEW PHONES.. when 3 of the 5 phones are still working just fine. I start panicing about the costs. Then hop online (at 30 second intervals, do to clingy sick children) found GREAT prices for new phones, most free... Catch: online only.

Called back this morning, asked if i could renew everything online, they said yes. I was told that i could get the phones online then once i recieve the phones, when i go in to activate my phones i'd pick out my plan then. AWESOME! Super easy!

I get everyone to finally pick out thier phones, come 7pm. After much debate with my mother, who can never make a decision about anything. i got to put them in my cart. then they ask me to pick a plan... wait, huh? So I sign in, after switching from my alltel sign in to a verizon login. then go to put the phones in my cart again, only to be told i cant.

Ring ring. Get to a real Person, they switch me to website control, was on hold... on hold.... Lady comes to the phone saying something along lines saying sorry, for hold, there was a problem, see your not actually suppose to get the upgrade til its time for at least one phone to be upgraded. But, we are gonna honor what you were told, i just have to reset everyline for them to all be eligiable for upgrade today. So i'll call you back when its done, and then i'll talk you thru the online process.... that was at 9:06pm. Finally at 1030, I called teh special number again that has been called enough that it's now on speed dial. I try to bypass the automated thing, and receive a greating of "Representative hours are from 9am- 10pm."

GRRR. Now what am i suppose to do? 
Other then call again in the morning.... BLAH.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

An ADD Mother

I have just recently found out I have ADD. I never new it. I have always been called the schedule nazi. Reason for this is because everything had to planned. Down to pee breaks. If anything didnt go according to plan, i'd basically have a nervous breakdown. I just thought i was Kooky. I have always led a routine life. There was the routine of school, and work, then the Army. Routine went out the window when i had kids. Then i noticed that me teh wanna be english professor couldnt speak properly anymore (proper as in i couldnt say teh word that i wanted to say).

My brain is going too fast, i cant consintrate. So bad that if my consintration is broken, i tweek (not tweet). I am trying to be a non-spanking mother. I flipped out the other day and spanked and i yelled, i screamed. I am usually one of those annoyingly quiet moms that just speak in a low monatone voice to my kids when they throw a tantrum. Well, i am the one having tantrums.

So finally, i was wondering what is up with me. After yet another arguement with my husband, about me needing to say what i mean. My Mother-in-law, lightly mentioned Adult ADD. She was saying it in such a calm way that was her actually talking about herself, yet considering she is a hostage negotiator for the SWAT team, i knew she was trying to hint at me, let it be my idea.

So google here i came. Type: Adult ADD... Click Search. The top link was a quiz. Oh, come on of course i was curious, even if it was a fake quiz (it wasnt really a fake one, but that was my first thought). Top score is 100 = YOU NEED TO SEEK HELP NOW. I sc ored a 96. Now i was curious. I went to another search for symptoms... oh my gawd. The described me almost to a T. So yes i am self diagnosing my self. Til i find a doctor to do so for me.

So now, i understand myself a bit more. I'm relieved, yet scared. My mind now as fast as it was already gonning, is now analyzing everything i do. everything i say. even the post that im typing now.

I dotn have a filter, i say or type with out going thru my brain first, there is no thought process to normal activites, big ones yes. not everyday stuff. I feel like i've lost my mind. and i have felt this way for over a year.

talking to a friend of mine didnt help much. She scared me about the medications. Now, i am reading up on how to handle and maintain with out the medications, cuz ive done it before. but i dont really think i will have a full handle on things til kids are in school or i am in my own house. (i live with my mother-in-law)

So i just typed so that i wouldnt have a break down with my 2 sick kids. Now both are in my room, Pearlann with her juice cup in my face screaming mommy in my ear, Onyx is in my filing cabinet, and with that i bid you ado