Tuesday, October 27, 2009

An ADD Mother

I have just recently found out I have ADD. I never new it. I have always been called the schedule nazi. Reason for this is because everything had to planned. Down to pee breaks. If anything didnt go according to plan, i'd basically have a nervous breakdown. I just thought i was Kooky. I have always led a routine life. There was the routine of school, and work, then the Army. Routine went out the window when i had kids. Then i noticed that me teh wanna be english professor couldnt speak properly anymore (proper as in i couldnt say teh word that i wanted to say).

My brain is going too fast, i cant consintrate. So bad that if my consintration is broken, i tweek (not tweet). I am trying to be a non-spanking mother. I flipped out the other day and spanked and i yelled, i screamed. I am usually one of those annoyingly quiet moms that just speak in a low monatone voice to my kids when they throw a tantrum. Well, i am the one having tantrums.

So finally, i was wondering what is up with me. After yet another arguement with my husband, about me needing to say what i mean. My Mother-in-law, lightly mentioned Adult ADD. She was saying it in such a calm way that was her actually talking about herself, yet considering she is a hostage negotiator for the SWAT team, i knew she was trying to hint at me, let it be my idea.

So google here i came. Type: Adult ADD... Click Search. The top link was a quiz. Oh, come on of course i was curious, even if it was a fake quiz (it wasnt really a fake one, but that was my first thought). Top score is 100 = YOU NEED TO SEEK HELP NOW. I sc ored a 96. Now i was curious. I went to another search for symptoms... oh my gawd. The described me almost to a T. So yes i am self diagnosing my self. Til i find a doctor to do so for me.

So now, i understand myself a bit more. I'm relieved, yet scared. My mind now as fast as it was already gonning, is now analyzing everything i do. everything i say. even the post that im typing now.

I dotn have a filter, i say or type with out going thru my brain first, there is no thought process to normal activites, big ones yes. not everyday stuff. I feel like i've lost my mind. and i have felt this way for over a year.

talking to a friend of mine didnt help much. She scared me about the medications. Now, i am reading up on how to handle and maintain with out the medications, cuz ive done it before. but i dont really think i will have a full handle on things til kids are in school or i am in my own house. (i live with my mother-in-law)

So i just typed so that i wouldnt have a break down with my 2 sick kids. Now both are in my room, Pearlann with her juice cup in my face screaming mommy in my ear, Onyx is in my filing cabinet, and with that i bid you ado

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